Bitters in My Life

My 1st Form 4 exam will be on this coming Monday. It's just the day after tomorrow. But I seem to be like don't care the exam at all. I feel so scare now. I scare that I may cry out when I get my result in the future. I had promised myself that I will try my best to get good result and make it as my dad's birthday gift. What if I can't get good result? It may disappoint my parents. I don't want this to happen but I just have no mood to study. I don't even want to see a single book that appear in front of me. How am I going to get good result in such a bad condition?

 I cry more often these days,without any reason. I don't know why will my tears drop out themselves. What I know is I can't stand for everything that happen in around me anymore. I'm happy when others ask me to do work. It makes me feel that I'm useful and there is someone that notice me. But now I can't breathe cause of the stacks of work. I told myself that I don't have time to feel sad and I don't have time to relax myself. I noticed that my life had changed. I become busier and busier nowadays. My brain never stop working everyday except when I'm sleeping. I know no one may believe in my words but that's the fact. I'm hoping that I will have enough time to rest myself during this coming holiday. I had promised my honey that I won't stay up until midnight after this exam. So I will have to study everyday so I don't have to burn the midnight oil to study before the exam.

Can anyone lend me a shoulder and let me have a rest on it? I really don't have the strength to stand for all these anymore. I need someone to support me. I wanna hug my mum when I'm crying but I know I can't. I am such a strong girl in front of them,in front of everyone. I can't let anyone see the weak side of me. I must be strong. I'm not a little girl anymore. I have to learn how to handle everything by myself. I must be independent!

You must do your best,Jane!!!!!
and this is what I promised to myself.