Future?

Where will the path before me lead me to? Can anyone tell me? I'm really blur. Without any target, I'm nothing. Daddy and mummy want me to be economist, accountant, office lady......and more. But they are not my dream. I can't deny that you all had got the point.

Dream is actually about what we want, but the reality taught us that dream can only be achieved if we have the ability. You said I'm unable to study medical as I always push myself too hard until I have some mental problems. I promise to find some ways to release my tension in the future, but you don't believe. You said my result had clearly showed that I'm not qualified to be a doctor. But how would you know about it if you never let me try? Who knows I'm actually potential in medical field and I will achieve flying colours results in university one day? You said being a doctor will occupy most of my time and I will have not enough time to accompany my family. I told you that I believe my family will understand my situation and my job. They won't blame me for not accompanying them as they know I'm actually trying my best to help those patients. You said I'll be very down and emotional when I'm failed to rescue a life. I told you I am confident in controlling my emotion.

I know I'm giving excuses. I have started forgetting why do I wanted to be a doctor so badly. Mum said that I want to be a doctor just because I want to wear the white coat. I said I'm not that stupid. So, what's the main reason I want to be a doctor? I don't know. To help those patients? I'm not sure.

I had spent hours on thinking about my future. You don't know how badly I want to be a doctor. You don't know......

放弃追梦

你们赢了~你们成功地剪掉了我的翅膀。我不再能飞翔了，也不想飞翔了。既然你们没人要支持我读医，那好，我不读了。就当做我之前的努力都白费了吧！之前的眼泪，争吵等，都忘了吧！

我再独自坚持下去也没用了。你们以众敌寡地反对我，我却只有我自己可以依靠。你们可以互相支持，我却没有人可以诉苦。自己一个人撑着真的很辛苦。你们每天只会怪我，念我，但你们从没想过我所做的一切背后有着什么样的原因。你们不曾尝试去了解我。没有！
There's always a story behind every action.

没有人支持的日子很苦。独自躲在衣橱里的日子，也多不胜数。你们以为我没压力，那是因为，我不表现。我不表现出来，并不表示我没有。我曾经因为压力，哭泣了1小时，那时候的你们在哪里？你们又知不知道，我现在除非累得非闭眼不可，否则，我得听安眠曲才能入眠。你们常说，有事情可以和你们商量，但那些都是假的！你们所谓的商量，只是希望我顺着你们的意思去做，走你们为我铺好的道路，你们没关心过我要的是什么，我喜欢的是什么，没有！

既然你们觉得，出钱让我念大学的人是你们，那好，我就顺着你们的意思，当你们的傀儡，不再发表意见，不再有主见，当你们希望我的那个人。反正，你们就是在把我当成是一种投资罢了！钱必须投资在对的地方，将来才能翻本，不是吗？你们灭了我心中的火，碎了我那颗追梦的心，应该足够了吧！反正，一切的一切，你们开心就好。

请记住，这里曾经有过一个有梦想的人。

To be or not be, that's a question. And now, I chose not to be.

这世上，没有人会为你停下脚步，也没有人会因为你的烦恼而烦恼。把自己的烦恼告诉别人，对自己来说，也许是种分享，对别人而言，可能只是个笑话。把令自己难堪的事情告诉别人很光荣吗？一面哭，一面告诉别人你的伤心事就会有人可怜你吗？对不起，你的同情，我不需要。我想答应自己，不再在别人面前哭泣，因为我的眼泪很珍贵，不会轻易在别人面前流下，也不会为了不值得的人而流。

眼泪，听话吧！以后若不是真的止不住或逼不得已，千万别流出来。流出来了，就只能证明你是软弱的。你的自信，勇气及坚强已经休息很久了，是时候恢复你那独立的人生了。一个独立的人，是不会为别人而停下脚步的，也不会为别人哭，更不会依靠别人。休息久了，难免懒散，但还是得坚持下去。

收起你的眼泪，并继续独自的在你的人生道路上走吧！那些你遇到的人，只是生命中的过客。别为了任何人停下，永远都不可以。。。

Training and Friends

My exam is just around the corner but I'm still busying with my anchor contest and also other stupid stuff. >< How should I sit for my exam? Argh! Gonna work out for my exam soon.
Although I spent a lot of time on the contest, but it was worth because I did enjoy the moment I spend with those friends that I met there. We are becoming buddies. ^^ On the first day of training, we didn't have much time to spend with each other, at least I don't have much time to spend with those who are taking part in the Mandarin Session. We even barely have time to take our lunch together. We were like CRAZIES when our last class was dismissed. We kept on exchanging each others' phone number and facebook name. Haha. I bet we look stupid that time.
I met a number of friends there, such as handsome boy, Mingzaii, lenglui, Pek Qian, girlish boy, Augustine, China girl, Shu Ting, sweety, Man Man and many others. During the second day of training, fortunately, we were all arranged on the morning session. After the 3-hours-training, me, Pek Qian, Shu Ting, Mingzaii and Augustine went to Queensbay Mall. We went there by Augustine's cousin's car. Unfortunately, Queensbay Mall was out of electricity that day. I guess the air-conditioner wanted a rest on Labour Day too. =( Of course, we took over hundreds of photos when we were in the studio during the training. X)

Me and Mingzaii

so bad, Pek Qian and Mingzaii wasn't there yet

took this photo before the class started =]

Me and Man Man during first day training

Me, Man Man, Pek Qian and also Kher Yee

I was trying to spoil the pic ><

3 sampat kia XD

Me, Yenice, Shu Ting and Keh Jian X_X

Man Man, Shu Ting & Mingzaii

Me and Pek Qian :)

look like a family huh? XD

when we were at QB ^^

if you want to see more photos about us, click the following link ==>  http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150851147462154.474079.652737153&type=3  =D

Anchor Broadcast Idol Contest

Hooray! I was chosen in the Anchor Broadcast Idol Contest which is organised by Han Chiang College. ^^ I never thought that I would be chosen as the comments given by the judges didn't sound good. I cried right after coming out from the audition room. It's so ashamed. >.<

At first, I was waiting for my counselling teacher to tell me the result for the contest. Fortunately, I saw a status of one of the contestants which stated that he was chosen in the contest. He told me that Han Chiang College informed him and his schoolmates through Facebook. So, I logged in my second account and saw a new message unread. I clicked on it and prayed that it was from the college but it disappointed me. Then, he suggested me to check it on HCTV ( Han Chiang TV ) page on Facebook. When I saw my name there, I ran to my parents room and told them the good news. 

The only thing that I am worried about is the following events will affect my preparation for my mid-term exam. =( Wish myself good luck then ^^

chosen contestants list =)

遗失自己

我，活了17个年头，

第一次，抱着爸爸哭，跟爸爸谈心事。

爸爸说，我很能干，但我是孤独的。

反复思考了这番话后的我，

才真真正正地发现

自己在心里筑起的那一道墙

把自己的心与世界隔离了

我，似乎是孤独的

不管身边有多少朋友围绕着我

我都无法发自内心地笑

爸爸说

在他三个孩子当中

我是最独立的

我为我自己计划了一切

从不必他们为我担心

也从来没有在他们面前脆弱过

爸爸，

我不是坚强

只是不想把脆弱的一面

在你们面前展现出来

我不希望你们为我担心

因为我觉得

这样的我很没用

你们面前的我

不是真正的我

面对着镜子的我

也不是真正的我

那到底

真正的我

去了哪里

别问我

因为我也不知道

从前的我

认为孤独的我

就是最真实的我

但我错了

我不只骗了身边的人

还不小心骗了自己

我已找不回真正的自己了

我已过不了自己那关了

我需要你们了

我的家人

我的朋友

镜头下的我，也是被包装过的我 :-(

SPM 2011 Results

SPM 2011 result was released today. Almost all the candidates were there with their parents along. Everyone was sitting there. Some of them looked nervous but most of them looked so calm. I was standing behind to listen to the statistic. It's very sad to know that there's no one getting straight A+ this year. The top student in our school got 9 A+ and an A. There's only 38 candidates that got straight A's in their SPM. I am kinda worry for my SPM as my result is always bad. =( I seem to have the fear towards my future. I used to wonder how will my future be. Am I going to achieve my dream? Am I going to study in my targeted university? Am I going to have my own family? They're what keeping my brain busy all the time. Some might ask me to work hard now and think about those stupid questions after getting the result. Yet, my dad said that I must have decided it by now and it considers late for me if I have no idea what course to take in university in the future. Honestly, I had decided it. At first my dad disagree with it, but now he started to support me. His encouragement makes me really happy but stressful too. I had argued with him because of this for more than 10 times so if I failed to achieve my dream, it means that I will have to disappoint him. I never want things to be like that. Disappointing your parents doesn't make you feel good, I supposed. It's the same for me. Stressful is the only word that can describe my mood now. ><

脆弱

她终于发现自己不再是女强人了

原来她也会感到疲倦

感到很累

她多么希望可以有个肩膀

让她依靠

让她像小孩子般放声大哭

让累了的她

可以停下脚步

好好地在休息站休息

终于

她崩溃了

被全世界抛弃的想法

又再次浮现在她脑海里

让她感到好害怕

好无助

其实

只要一个拥抱

就可以把她治好

但，她却找不到

那个可以给她拥抱的人

她不知道压力从何来

爸爸妈妈并没有给她任何压力

没有家庭压力

那，压力是她自己给的吗

也许是吧

好胜心强的她

是不会认输

不会低头的

加油吧，女孩！

你一定可以的！=）

为梦想而战

心，被爸爸的一句话给弄伤了

不支持我就算了，为什么还要重伤我呢？

真搞不懂

当初的你们，是那么地支持我

现在的你们，不停地泼我冷水

你们也许有一万个反对我的理由

但我只需要一个理由

就可以把它们统统给推翻掉了吧！

我努力了那么久，为的就是这个梦想

从小到大，我一切的一切都是由你们安排的

我并没有选择或否决的余地

但这一次，

我绝对不会再让步了

我不可以因为你们的三言两语

而改变我那么多年来一直在努力的目标

九年了

这对我来说并不算短

我也没想到自己可以为了梦想而拼那么久

虽然有时会感到很累

很想放弃

很想在你们面前哭一次

但我知道我不可以

因为你们一定会拿它来当借口

要我放弃

我把它设定为目标

必然有自己的理由

我知道你们是在担心我的身体状况

但请别担心

我会好好照顾自己的

虽然最近身体有一点儿差

但那并不至于使我放弃梦想、理想

虽然很遥远，

但就因为它遥远

所以我更想达到它

你们认识的张婷·，

不是一直以来都那么怕输，

那么爱挑战自己的吗？

爸爸，妈妈

请再让我任性一次

就这么一次

我发誓我一定会做到

为我们家争光

请相信我最后一次

因为我是你们的女儿。。。