A Happy Day^_^

I went to my Physics tuition at Einstein last night. The girl that was sitting beside me is a form 5 girl. I saw many scars on her hand. And the scars are just the same as mine. I started the conversation with her and I get to know that she cut herself because she is tension for sitting for her spm this year. I noticed that she hardly understand what is the teacher explaining so I volunteer myself to help her. I explained every questions to her so that she can understand the lesson. I feel that I did something meaningful and I am so happy that I can help others. Well,I'm so glad that I have the opportunity to lend my hand to those who need it. It was quite a happy day for yesterday^^

Sacrificing~

Everyone told me the same thing everyday. "No more tears today". It's meaningful,but I failed to do so. It's difficult for a person to do it,I guess. Again,I sleep with my tears last night. This is not the first time I did it. My tears will only drop when I'm alone. I can feel the pain on my heart but I don't have any medicine that can cure it. Alright,I guess I will just let it be.

Now,I understood that you must sacrifice something to make something better. I chose to sacrifice myself. I can't tell you how pain my heart is because I know that no one can help me except myself. I know how suffer I am now,but I won't ask anything from you. I hope you will get better results and a better life without me. Maybe,I shouldn't appear in your life,I shouldn't walk into your life,I should be a cold-blooded person and never bother you,so all these won't happen to both of us.

Perhaps,I'm the only one that feel sad. I heard from my classmate "T", you told him that you never feel sad because of this. I guess that's true as you said that you won't feel sad of anything. You just feel guilty towards me. I understand.

For now,only tears will accompany me every night...

MRI

I went to a clinic after my Account tuition to check my knee. After the doctor 'play' with my leg,he told me that the muscle between my knee is broke. He suggested me to go for a MRI checking to make sure how serious it is. So, I went to Pantai Hospital to check it. I was not allowed to bring anything that is made by metal along with me. No phone,no necklace,no ring,no watch and no hairband. The worst thing is I had to wear a 'sarung'. God! I never wear it before this. I stared at the 'sarung' and wondered how should I wear it. It seem to be like XXXXL size and there is no any zip or button on it. At last,I use my own method to wear it but I won't say it here as it is quite shameful for me. I was given two orange thing to put into my ears. I had to lay there for 30 minutes and the uncle suggested me to sleep for a while. The machine is big but it's so noisy. I waited for around 15-20 minutes to get my report. I went back to the doctor and he said that my wound is not that serious so I just have to take some medicine and no surgery. But,I have to rest my leg for 6 weeks. No squash,no dancing,no running. Or else my wound will become bigger and I will have to go for surgery. I just don't understand why my life is full of medicine. Haiz...How I wish I don't have to take those medicine everyday. It makes me feel so sleepy and I'm tired with my life.

3A7 Reunion Party ^_^

15 March 2011,Tuesday.

A day that I can hardly forget it. Yes,it's a reunion party,with my ex-classmate. I missed them so much and I feel so happy when I saw them. Although there were just 8 of us,but I did enjoy the time, and I appreciate it,as we can't gather together always. We watched a movie, "I am Number Four". This movie is quite nice, and I love a joke that my ex- class monitor said. I would like to share it here.^^ When the main character said that "she's not just a girl..." and my ex-class monitor said "she's pondan". We laughed and shouted in the cinema. I guess we are the noisiest in the cinema. I was sitting with Atin that time. I even borrowed her shoulder when there were scenes that I didn't want to watch. Well,she was quite busy that time,as she had to message her 'sayang' and watch the movie at the same time. We even walked to Tesco to take our lunch,but I did eat a slice of cake at Secret Recipe and a cup Starbucks Coffee.

I enjoyed myself in this reunion party as I had missed the most important party of our class last year --> Class Party. I shouldn't have go for a vacation that time. I was jealous when I saw the photos that they all took during the party. ><  Now,I have more memories of me and my friends. I believed everyone of us that had attend the party enjoy ourselves there.

Oh ya,today is Heat's (Faiz) birthday and yesterday was Syaqib's. Guesss what? Atin went to Fairy and bought 2 slices of Tiramisu cakes for them. We took lots of photos and I had shared it on facebook~take a look,guys ^o^
 



Life

I was worrying about you for the whole day. I on my facebook for the whole day,just hoping for your reply. Hope that you wil be okay. You won't know how happy I am when I saw you online just now. But I don't know why are you treating me so cool. I'm scared. I don't have the confident to continue all this. Our relationship just started for 3 weeks,is our relationship going to end like this?

I understand that you have to accompany your friends and also your family. I understand it. There are lots of stuff that disturb my mind these days. I can only relax myself when I am with you and I am hoping you to consule me for awhile.  But what I get in return is more problems. Why do I have to face all these by myself? I'm tired. Tired with my life,tired with my works,tired with my studies and tired with everything. I'm worn out. I look strong but I don't. I never cry in front of you all doesn't mean that I don't cry. I'm just hoping for someone that can look through my heart although I never say it out. But is there anyone that can do that?

You started to think that I'm annoying, aren't you? You started to feel that I'm not as good as your dream girl, aren't you? My soul told me that it need some rest, it doesn't want to think of these anymore. I do appreciate the moments we spend together, I swear. I have something to tell you,but I don't dare to do so. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't speak it out. This is the biggest trouble that keep disturbing my mind. I wanna share it with someone, but I don't know who can be the one that help me.

I need some rest...mentally and physically...if possible,I want to rest forever...rest in peace... 

Merentas Desa

Kejohanan Merentas Desa ke-10


I never know that this is jz the tenth time our school held merentas desa. This is the first year I took part in the PS group.I had to run for 4km. That's not a short distance! God! How am I going to make it? I ran for the whole day and at least I get 1 mark for my rumah sukan,Sultanah. I dislike to wear that red shirt. I was so ugly in that shirt. Furthermore,others can look through the shirt easily. So I have to wear a black singlet in it.>< Can you imagine how hot it is? Luckily I didn't faint. Or else,I'll feel shame for the whole life.


During the Mr.Mat Saad taklimat,the weather is so nice. It was not hot at all neither rain. It started to rain after a few minutes he finish his taklimat. It rained heavily. I went to somewhere under the roof with my friends so that I won't get wet. After the rain stopped,we had to walk back to the field and warm up ourselves there. Mr.Mat Saad counted the timing in a quite cute way. "Satu,dua,tiga...tujuh,lapan" "lima,enam,tujuh,lapan" "enam,tujuh,lapan" "tujuh,lapan" "lapan" I can only said that I was totally speechless when I heard how he count. It's so weird yet funny. I was in the same rumah sukan wif my honey and both of us were wearing red shirt. According to my friends,we were wearing couple shirt.=.='' Then all the members in rumah sultanah are couples,because all of us are wearing the same shirt.XD


I waited for my honey for around 15 to 20 minutes. His muscle cramped during the run just now. How worried I was when I heard that. He shouldn't have attend today although this is the last year for him to run,but he should at least take care of himself as he have to attend a bowling tournament this noon. How I wish I can go there and support him. =(


p/s I didn't bring my phone to school today so I can't take any photo. I feel so bad for can't sharing the photos here.><

Appreciate

I gonna fail my sejarah and add.maths this time. I just can't accept it!!!! At first,I thought daddy and mummy will scold me because of that. But out of my expectation,they didn't. They just asked me 1 question. 'Had you try your best?' This question made me shocked. I told daddy that I had and he knew that I got a lot of activities to attend and lot of works to do so he didnt scold me at all. He just asked me to try my best next time and he knows that this is the first exam I had in my Form 4 life and everything is not the same as we learnt in lower form. He even feel happy when I told him that I was selected in the Choral Speaking Competition.


I started to appreciate what I have now. My family,my friends and everyone that had appeared in my life before,thanks to you all. I'm sure the new Jane won't born wihout you all. Thanks~

Daddy Mummy^o^

My dearest bro and his beloeved girl friend^^

Me and my youngest cousin~

~Say "CHEESE"~

Me and my younger sis

Rachael~Jane~Grace

Sisters Forever~❤

C.A.J~XD
Clarence~Angelina~Jane

Sis + Cousins here^^

Me and my 'ultraman' cousin

Me and my handsome 'abang angkat'~XD

Mr.Idiot  :-)

Imperfect~

I know that no one is perfect,but still,I work hard to make myself perfect. I know it's quite impossible. But why am I doing all these? Just for fun? NAH~no one will feel that this is fun,unless you are an abnormal person. Well,I don't really feel that I can be a 10/10 person,but I hope I can at least get 9/10.

When I was born,I was as pure as a piece of white paper. But as I grow up and become a teenager now,I noticed that my white paper is full of black dots. A black dot means 1 thing that I did it wrongly. And the black dots on the paper show me how many bad things I had done before. I'm trying to be perfect. And I'm working hard on it now. I tried my best to get the excellent result in everything. I try to be a good student in front of teachers,I try to get high marks in every exam,I try to finish my homework so that I can pass it up in time,I try my best to make myself selected for the sports,I try my best in the choral speaking audition,I try to do the secretary work nice and complete everything within a week...but what did I get in the end? I got no time to study for my exam,no time to relax myself,no time to rest my mind and my health has become worse and worse. I don't whether it is worth for me to do and sacrifice so many things for it,but I just hope that I can use these white dots to cover my black dots.

I don't like to talk about the past,especially the past that left sad feeling to me. I dislike to talk about the future because it's no point to talk about it. We won't know what will happen in the next second. So,why don't we use our time to appreciate what we have now but not wasting our time to think of future? Are we going to think what kind of husband or wife will I marry with in the future? Are we going to think will we be rich in the future? Are we going to think how our house will be in the future? Your dream won't come true if you just keep thinking about it but never take any action to achieve it. Aren't you think human is weird? We thought we are the smartest organism in the world. But what's the point of thinking like this? To make ourselves proud? In front of the animals and plants? Blow your own trumpet in front of the plants and waiting for them to clap hand for you? Don't do such silly thing. Everyone is just the same. When we were born,everything starts from zero. Maybe there is someone that you think he or she is a genius,but had you ever think that they achieve their success with their own work? They won't success if they just keep saying that "I will success one day". Rich doesn't mean success,poor doesn't mean that you can't be rich one day. It's all based on how you do and how you think.

Back to the topic,I just don't know why I can't be perfect. Maybe I didn't do my best yet,maybe I didn't push myself enough yet,maybe I didn't put all my effort on it yet. There are so many posibilities here so I will have to solve every posibilities so that I can know the main factor why I can never be perfect. 24-hours is not enough for me to do so many things. I have to arrange my time nicely and perfectly so that I can get some rest besides doing all of these. My work has affect my study. I won't allow this to continue happening in my life. So I should use the golden time now to study.

Gambateh，everyone \(≧▽≦)/

Bitters in My Life

My 1st Form 4 exam will be on this coming Monday. It's just the day after tomorrow. But I seem to be like don't care the exam at all. I feel so scare now. I scare that I may cry out when I get my result in the future. I had promised myself that I will try my best to get good result and make it as my dad's birthday gift. What if I can't get good result? It may disappoint my parents. I don't want this to happen but I just have no mood to study. I don't even want to see a single book that appear in front of me. How am I going to get good result in such a bad condition?

 I cry more often these days,without any reason. I don't know why will my tears drop out themselves. What I know is I can't stand for everything that happen in around me anymore. I'm happy when others ask me to do work. It makes me feel that I'm useful and there is someone that notice me. But now I can't breathe cause of the stacks of work. I told myself that I don't have time to feel sad and I don't have time to relax myself. I noticed that my life had changed. I become busier and busier nowadays. My brain never stop working everyday except when I'm sleeping. I know no one may believe in my words but that's the fact. I'm hoping that I will have enough time to rest myself during this coming holiday. I had promised my honey that I won't stay up until midnight after this exam. So I will have to study everyday so I don't have to burn the midnight oil to study before the exam.

Can anyone lend me a shoulder and let me have a rest on it? I really don't have the strength to stand for all these anymore. I need someone to support me. I wanna hug my mum when I'm crying but I know I can't. I am such a strong girl in front of them,in front of everyone. I can't let anyone see the weak side of me. I must be strong. I'm not a little girl anymore. I have to learn how to handle everything by myself. I must be independent!

You must do your best,Jane!!!!!
and this is what I promised to myself.