A News to Share~

I have a good news to share over here which is my dad had finally allowed me to go for Medic. Simultaneously, I was also in a dilemma. I had tried my best to persuade myself to give up on Medic and kept on telling myself that I won't be a good doctor even if I manage to graduate. I decided to take Business as that's what daddy and mummy wanted me to take the most. Since I don't have second choice, I followed their will. And this sudden news had made me shock, happy, touching, confusing....... and I had a complicated feeling at the moment daddy told me about it. Will I really be a good doctor in the future? Will I graduate? Which one to choose and which one is the best for me? I asked myself and also others' opinions. Some's help and some's don't. Daddy calmed me down by telling me that I shall have a try in Medic and if I really feel that I can't overcome the stress that I'm going to face soon and even if I can't catch up with my study, I shall quit from Medic and go for other course. He said that that's all right for him and kept asking me not to worry about the money. All he wants is her daughter's bright future and can pursue the job she likes the most. He doesn't want me to regret in the future like his friend does. He knows very well that we couldn't go back to the past to change our decision and hence, change our future. He wants me to make the right decision and never ever regret on my own decision. He loves me very much and I know it very well.

Daddy and Mummy, hundreds and thousands of thanks won't be enough for me to show how grateful I am to you. Thanks, Daddy & Mummy. Love you two always. ❤

Future?

Where will the path before me lead me to? Can anyone tell me? I'm really blur. Without any target, I'm nothing. Daddy and mummy want me to be economist, accountant, office lady......and more. But they are not my dream. I can't deny that you all had got the point.

Dream is actually about what we want, but the reality taught us that dream can only be achieved if we have the ability. You said I'm unable to study medical as I always push myself too hard until I have some mental problems. I promise to find some ways to release my tension in the future, but you don't believe. You said my result had clearly showed that I'm not qualified to be a doctor. But how would you know about it if you never let me try? Who knows I'm actually potential in medical field and I will achieve flying colours results in university one day? You said being a doctor will occupy most of my time and I will have not enough time to accompany my family. I told you that I believe my family will understand my situation and my job. They won't blame me for not accompanying them as they know I'm actually trying my best to help those patients. You said I'll be very down and emotional when I'm failed to rescue a life. I told you I am confident in controlling my emotion.

I know I'm giving excuses. I have started forgetting why do I wanted to be a doctor so badly. Mum said that I want to be a doctor just because I want to wear the white coat. I said I'm not that stupid. So, what's the main reason I want to be a doctor? I don't know. To help those patients? I'm not sure.

I had spent hours on thinking about my future. You don't know how badly I want to be a doctor. You don't know......

放弃追梦

你们赢了~你们成功地剪掉了我的翅膀。我不再能飞翔了，也不想飞翔了。既然你们没人要支持我读医，那好，我不读了。就当做我之前的努力都白费了吧！之前的眼泪，争吵等，都忘了吧！

我再独自坚持下去也没用了。你们以众敌寡地反对我，我却只有我自己可以依靠。你们可以互相支持，我却没有人可以诉苦。自己一个人撑着真的很辛苦。你们每天只会怪我，念我，但你们从没想过我所做的一切背后有着什么样的原因。你们不曾尝试去了解我。没有！
There's always a story behind every action.

没有人支持的日子很苦。独自躲在衣橱里的日子，也多不胜数。你们以为我没压力，那是因为，我不表现。我不表现出来，并不表示我没有。我曾经因为压力，哭泣了1小时，那时候的你们在哪里？你们又知不知道，我现在除非累得非闭眼不可，否则，我得听安眠曲才能入眠。你们常说，有事情可以和你们商量，但那些都是假的！你们所谓的商量，只是希望我顺着你们的意思去做，走你们为我铺好的道路，你们没关心过我要的是什么，我喜欢的是什么，没有！

既然你们觉得，出钱让我念大学的人是你们，那好，我就顺着你们的意思，当你们的傀儡，不再发表意见，不再有主见，当你们希望我的那个人。反正，你们就是在把我当成是一种投资罢了！钱必须投资在对的地方，将来才能翻本，不是吗？你们灭了我心中的火，碎了我那颗追梦的心，应该足够了吧！反正，一切的一切，你们开心就好。

请记住，这里曾经有过一个有梦想的人。

To be or not be, that's a question. And now, I chose not to be.