The Very Last Message To You

Yea, we have just broke up today. I planned to delete everything of yours in my phone or whatever it is, but I found out that there's just too much of them and I don't feel like deleting all that. There's so many memories of us and I don't know should I delete them.

This time, for the first time, we are really dedicated in breaking up. None of us say sorry nor asking the other one to stop or whatever action to stop us from breaking up. Perhaps, this time is really the end. To be honest, this is not the result I want. But since I can't give you the freedom you desire, and I want to be cared like how you did last time while you can't, maybe this is the best way to both of us. I know you're suffer when you're with me. Words you asked for break up that day are still in my mind. You told me that I can't give you the freedom you desire and the freedom you desire is I have to allow you to go for every single outing you want and never say 'no'. I apologise for being a control freak and I apologise for can't giving you such freedom.

I called you several times when you were with your friends yesterday and none of the calls is more than 5 minutes. Yet, you scolded me for calling you too frequent. The first message I saw when I woke up, was the informing message you sent me to let me know that you're going to pulau pangkor now. I don't know what kind of feelings should I have. But I just can't control myself. We promised each other that we will Skype every night unless there's really special case. Last night, you went back home at 2.30am and told me that you were talking to your mum so we can't Skype. You said that you will accompany me today yet today you were already on the way to pulau pangkor with your friends.And when I asked you when can we chat, you said tomorrow again. I'm tired of all these tomorrow,tomorrow and tomorrow. You never have time for me. The first day you went back to your hometown, you were busy helping your dad. The second day, you were busy hanging out with your friends. And today, the third day, you were busy with your sudden vacation. I'm not sure how should I feel.

I've never thought that there'll be couple who think that they have talk to much in a day. I've never thought that there'll be couple who think they have spend more time together. This is just so weird. I know you have your life and I have mine. But don't you know that I've spend a lot of time on you and you're like my world which I'm always around you?

I've never thought that our relationship will end in this way. Never. But it just ended.

You're important to me. I hope you know. Although we are not couple anymore, but I still hope that you can be safe and take care of yourself all the time. I wish my decision can give you the freedom you desire as you will be free after all. Remember, not to find a Scorpio girlfriend anymore because most of us are like this I think.

Thanks for everything you've done for me and thanks your caring me and take care of me during this period of time. This, should be the end...

Prob-o-meter

Day by day, I feel that the love you have towards me is reducing. I know you said it's not, but I can feel it. I'm not sure are you right or am I. All I know is I really can't fell your love at all. Maybe you think your love to me is still remains the same, but to me, it has reduced day by day. 

I don't know since when you started to scold me whenever you want. I don't know since when you started not to care about me anymore. I don't know will you still be like this in the future or will you become worse than now in the future. 

I'm just a girl and I want to be cared like I'm fragile. I want to be concerned like I'm patient of yours. I want to be loved like I'm a princess. You were treating me so last time. But everything changed after I came back from my sem break. 

I'm not sure can we continue our relationship in this way, but I can tell you that I can't stand for your temper now. I apologise if my temper was so last time and you were the one who tolerate with me. I had changed to good now, but why are you changing to worse? I asked myself every night before sleeping, I asked myself when I'm staring at you, I asked myself what makes you become like that? Is it me? 

I don't know what else can I say. We had quarrelled about this for more than 5 times and you had told me several times that you will try to control your temper. But why can't I see any improvement in you? I asked you to chase me back. But you didn't want and you said that it will not make our relationship gets any better. Yet, you never know that I asked you to chase me back because I want you to remind me of the feeling we had at first and the love you had towards me last time. But you always say that there is no forever close relationship. You don't get me until now. I don't want forever close relationship, but just a closer one than now. Do you really know what's the feeling of being treated cool by the other half of yours. 

I don't want this thing to affect my exam neither yours. Is separating for somedays is a better way to us?  I wonder why must this happen to us when it is almost your birthday. 

If I ask for break up in this period of time, no doubt, I want you to lose me and get me back if you want. Other told me that: If you want to know is a guy loves you, let him go, if he comes back, he will be yours forever, but if he doesn't, let him go, he is not meant for you. 

I want you to lose me. I want you to appreciate me more. I want you to know your temper had chased me away. Please don't say that I don't love you that's why I can't stand for your temper, it is simply because your temper makes me can't breathe. I'm trying my best not to get angry when you're angry with me. Can't you see what I'm trying to do to avoid quarrelling with you? Have you ever appreciate what I'm trying to do to keep our relationship? I hope you do and will truly change yourself. 

热血精神

看了《ON CALL 36小时 II》的片段，又再次的让我想当医生了。他们那种想要救人的精神，让我的内心再次变的热血。爸爸那天也说，以我这种人来说，读生意是很浪费的，尤其生意并不算是一项专业。他说：没办法，你的身体不允许你去读更专业的科目。听到这个，我好心酸。为什么我明明就有那么热血的精神想就读医科，可偏偏我的身体状况那么的差？我看到其他人po自己在医学院上课的场景，他们的成绩，我问自己，为什么站在那里的不是我？为什么不是我成为一名优秀的医生？

现在，家庭状况大概也供不了我读医科吧！我可不可以，在长大后，自己努力赚钱，供自己读医呢？希望未来的自己，真的有这个能力。

现在的我及未来的我，一起努力吧！

加油！！！！！